It's Supposed To Hurt

I have a confession to make:  I am Generation X.  I just missed the Baby Boomers by one year (1964) but I still feel a connection.  Of course, there are a lot of nostalgic things I can talk about, things like real cars with (maybe) a lap belt where your mom would let you lay on that little shelf under the rear window above the seat.  Or summer days without cell phones when the general rule was to be home by 6:00 pm.  Nobody tracking your movements with an app, no cameras monitoring your license plate…I guess George Orwell had a crystal ball.  The only “time outs” were during the neighborhood baseball game when some kid broke a tooth.  I can’t remember any of my friends having peanut or gluten allergies.  

When I was kid, we didn’t necessarily seek pain, but we didn’t wrap ourselves in the safety bubble of our bedrooms glued to a screen.  You did stuff and some times, you got hurt.  Like the time I fell off my plastic skateboard and had a raspberry the size of a water melon on my thigh. Despite my screaming and crying, my mom simply rubbed vaseline on it and kept saying, “Yeah, it’s going to hurt.” She wasn’t concerned at all…there sure as hell was no visit to Urgent Care.  I also remember what real bullying was; not far away taunts on Facebook, but actual name calling, pushing, shoving, etc. To my parents, that was just part of growing up.  In essence, it’s supposed to hurt.  

We spend billions of dollars a year on trying to avoid pain and suffering.  Have some tendonitis or arthritis?  By all means, stop what you’re doing and take a pill.  Not happy with your weight?  Don’t worry about changing your diet or working out…take a pill.  Uncomfortable with the lull in conversation while you’re out to dinner with your wife and kids?  No worries, just start scrolling on your cell phone and everyone else will follow suit.  Nobody wants to be bored for five minutes.  

You know, having spent a lifetime in martial arts and a career in physical rehabilitation, there is one resounding statement I tell students and clients all the time.  “It’s supposed to hurt.”  Like, yeah, you tore your rotator cuff and had it surgically repaired.  Rehab is not going to be fun and certainly not pain free.  Or…Ok, you’ve spent the last 10 years avoiding any type of exercise or strenuous activity, choosing the sanctity of your recliner after a hard day’s work.  And you’re wondering why your muscles hurt and rebel the day after you start working out?  How did you think this was going work?  

I make a point of having students new to martial arts and to our dojo watch a Saturday class.  This is two hours of everything we do: karate, aikido, jujutsu, boxing, sparring, conditioning, etc.  And I always step away and explain that real martial arts training involves pain and suffering.  I tell people up front that they will sustain injuries, bruises, the occasional broken finger or toe.  I am honest and let them know that achieving black belt here takes a minimum of six or more years of consistent training.  That during the long and arduous process of learning new skills, they will be frustrated often and deal with self-doubt and training plateaus.  I let them know that training outside the of the dojo is required for any real progress and there will have to be life changes made, e.g. exercise, diet and commitment.  And my ending statement in every conversation with perspective members…It’s supposed to hurt.

Why?  Tell me about one difficult goal or achievement in your lifetime that didn’t required some form of physical, mental or spiritual pain, suffering and sacrifice.  Your marriage, your education, your job, your business, your sport, etc.   Pain and discomfort in all of their forms teach us something about ourselves.  Even the deepest grief can lead to a much deeper understanding and appreciation for others that you would not have without the experience.  There is no physical, mental or spiritual growth without pain and suffering.  So take the bubble wrap off.  Rub some vaseline on the gaping wound and get back up.  You’ll be fine.  

Dave Magliano 

Tatsu Dojo

Jissenkan Budo

Dojo Cho