A Safe Distance

Making videos that accurately depict what we do here at the dojo is one of the most challenging aspects to promoting our school. Truth be told, it is not one of my favorite things. I’ve watched a plethora of “how-to” videos on and there is a knack to it for sure. And when I make the fateful decision to “go live” and put it out there on YouTube, I sigh when I hit the “post” button because invariably we’re going to get some negative comments. My favorites: “That will never work in a real fight.” “That’s not aikdio, karate, etc.” “That would never work in MMA,” and so on. I’ve had to learn to take comments like that at face value. After all, I have no way to know the validity of the person slamming us because most of these jokers don’t have the guts to use their real name. For all I know, it’s just some soft kid sitting on the couch in their parent’s basement, eating Cheetos and scrolling on their phone. That’s the visual I typically have and then I forget about it.

It would do us all some good to realize that now more than ever before, people can attack us in many ways from a safe distance. You can get verbally and virtually sucker-punched at any moment and your only recourse (supposedly) is to counter with your own mean-spirited reply, kind of like giving someone the finger in traffic when they cut you off. When I first started making videos, that was my tactic. But after some time I realized that I was literally punching air and feeding the machine. Now, if someone wants to throw some shame on us, I go out of my way to be nice, attempt to explain what we’re doing and move on. It’s actually a very “aikido” way of handling it, If I may say so.

One of the first hurtles that beginners have to overcome in our dojo is the notion of acceptable social distance. Westerners don’t just keep people at arm’s length; we are a lot more comfortable with a few feet. So, the first time I show new students a grappling move where they have to get up close and personal with partner, it’s a little awkward. In terms of striking and kicking people, real fighting is very quick, very messy and very close. There is no dancing around a ring, no measuring, no bobbing and weaving to find a better position. No safe distance. That’s why the original form of karate looks very different from modern sports-oriented styles. There were throat grabs, eye gouges and plenty of knees to the groin. Take-downs were quick and brutal and if you happened to be lucky enough to get a hold of a wrist or elbow, you didn’t lock it up…you broke it. A real fight is nothing like what you see in the movies or in a ring no matter how violent the sport is. It’s up close, personal and final. That’s why you really never want to get in one. But if you’re going to practice a martial art, in my opinion, you have to train for that type of scenario if your goal is self-defense.

A few days ago, one of our students took a hit to his jaw with a strike called shuto zuki, the much overused and misunderstood “karate chop.” This happened during a close-quarter partner drill where one person performs the technique accurately and forcefully and the other person is supposed to block it. He didn’t. Now, we had been going pretty hard for about an hour he was tired. Believe me, it happens to all of us, including me from time to time. You get fatigued, lose your focus and then you get a reminder. His reminder caused him to have to step back a minute and regroup. That’s what is supposed to happen. This is why I’m not a fan of students wearing any safety gear other than a mouth piece and why I rarely have folks spar; I don’t want you to get comfortable keeping your distance. I want you get clocked once in a while. I want you to have your neck, your back or your shoulder hurt because your rolling or falling technique needs some attention. I want you to struggle trying to make that throw or joint lock work so that you realize, it doesn’t always work. If I create an environment that keeps your ego and your body safe from harm…and me safe from a lawsuit, well, then I haven’t given or shown you anything valuable. And frankly, that’s what you signed for. I warned ya.

The life lesson here is simply this: commitment. You have to commit and fully engage in something or someone if you expect to realize and enjoy the benefit. Want to have a fruitful marriage? Get up close and personal with your spouse and keep your eyes and your heart fixed on them. Want to have a successful career or business? Don’t just show up; work hard, do the things that other people are not willing to do and don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Despite what you might think, people still notice. Want to have a meaningful, lifelong relationship with your kid? Don’t just watch them play. Stomp in the puddles and play in the mud with them. Be silly, be goofy and be close. You get one shot at that; don’t waste it.

When Kim was diagnosed with breast cancer back in October, I have to admit my first reaction was to keep my distance. I’ve already been through this once and the wounds were still pretty raw. But the ring I put on her finger does’t mean much I’m not willing to hold the hand its placed on and walk the path with her, up close and personal. That’s what we signed for. She would do the same for me. She already has.

Cancer is a fight you have to do at close range; no safe distance. It’s very scary, very messy and brutal. I’ve watched two of the women in my life fight this head on. And I am humbled.

Dave Magliano

Tatsu Dojo

Jissenkan Budo

Dojo Cho