Silent Stillness

I once had a sparring match with a national point-fighting and kickboxing champion back in the 80s. His name was appropriate; Steve “Nasty” Anderson. Mr. Anderson was a nice enough guy off the mat, but when he fought, he used all kinds of tactics to taunt, anger and manipulate his opponents. His strategy was very effective, especially with young men like me with something to prove but no comparable skills. During our bout, he effortlessly tapped my face with a roundhouse kick to let me know he could take me down at any moment, and then he’d dance around and make fun of my “pathetic” skills.

So, when I saw an opportunity to hit him back, I took it with a roundhouse kick of my own, right to his jaw. And it was pretty hard, a little too hard actually. He stepped, backed up, looked at me with surprise and anger and then proceeded to beat the hell of me. I was no professional fighter. Did I deserve it? I don’t know, but I certainly let my ego get the better of me that day and I paid for it.

We inevitably run across all kinds of people in life who, for whatever reason, will do their best to draw us into a fight. It might be verbal, physical or both but you can be certain of one thing; taking the bait will never end well, even if you win. Or think you’ve won.

There is a phrase used in Japanese martial arts that captures the essence of mental and physical readiness: kamae. It basically means posture or stance but there is a much deeper translation that refers to setting one’s mind and body into a state of preparedness by holding a relaxed but firm position regardless of an opponent’s actions.

Kamae is not an easy skill to achieve because it requires overcoming many aspects of our ego; fear, doubt, anger, the need to win, etc. But if you can learn how to temper some of those feelings and emotions, you’ll find that many of the confrontations we experience in life will generally end with little more than you having to walk away with a pit in your stomach. And you can live with that. How many times have you said something in anger that you later regretted?

Kamae was a very foreign concept for me when I started training in Japan. It’s difficult to explain, but you have to study a martial art that involves an antagonist employing a given attack and a defender using a specific technique to counter the aggressive action and gain control. You’ll find these types of training drills in martial arts like traditional aikido, karate and jujutsu. These preprogrammed movements or kata, help students to learn various defenses for multiple attacks. It also trains the body and mind to be still and silent in the face of aggression.

When I was younger and thought far more of my physical abilities than I should have, I actually welcomed the idea of getting into a fight. Someone might push me, I’d push back and I’d make them pay. It is an ego-driven fantasy of many young men and perhaps a few women and has to do with the idea of payback; some one tries to hurt you physically or verbally and you hurt them more. Feel better about yourself? Maybe you do...for now.

There are too many instances I regret in my life when I over reacted and said or did something that caused more pain or than necessary. Too many things I wish I could take back and have a “redo.” Had I taken a step back, settled into a more relaxed stance and state of mind, I may have eventually enjoyed a much better outcome. That’s the problem with ego; we are often too impatient to wait on God, or karma (if you like) to settle things for us.

Take some advice from an older man who has had to come to terms with the person he sees in mirror. There is no point in fighting someone who wants to fight. You will not change their mind no matter how reasonable and rational your argument is. And if you get into an unnecessary physical confrontation, you lose either way. It’s not worth it.

I’m not saying that you should allow yourself to be bullied in any way. There are times when we must speak up for ourselves and unfortunately there are times when we have to fight. That’s why diligence in training is so important. The skills you need to overcome an aggressive person will not be there if you don’t consistently hone them. And through arduous training we temper the mind and ego, hopefully resulting in a humble human being. But certainly not one who can be easily beaten.

If you want to make an antagonistic person even more angry, ignore their attempts to draw you in. Taking the bait never ends well and eventually you’ll regret it. I’m willing to bet very few people spend their last moments on this earth happy in the thought that they “gave somebody a piece of their mind.” Some times it also means giving a piece of your soul.

There is a time and place to fight back. Until that time is revealed, stand relaxed but firm in your convictions and abilities. Learn the art of silent stillness.

Dave Magliano

Tatsu Dojo

Jissenkan Budo

Dojo Cho